It's a Bird!
......It's a Plane!
.............It's a ...SuperGringa?
So much to share with you all. As usual, but head is overflowing with 2, 3, 4 stories, blogs, ideas I want to share with you and finally here I am sitting down to write one of them. Know that you, my family friends supporters, are in my thoughts and prayers even when I am absent. There is still so much I have to learn here, about being, about being connected to others across space and/or culture.
Every Sunday evening el equipo (Me, the other 5 gringo volunteers and Sister Peggy) meet in Peggy's house for prayer/reflection. This past week we read some Mary Oliver (oh my friend, Mary!). Such reflections always help put my week into perspective, help me to process what has happened and so allow me to go deeper. At the end of this past week, I made a pledge to myself to allow myself more time to site and ask and engage in the questions that just always sit on my shoulder here. At the forefront: what does it mean to human? For all of us, and particularly what does it mean for me to human, for me to be Christy?
My humanity was extraordinarily highlighted to me this past week, with a thump over the head (and the foot!) in a rather ridiculous manner. Colin was visiting (woohoo!) and Tuesday morning it was our turn to watch the Patinaje (skatepark). We decided to skate for the last 40 min with the kids. I however didn't have closed toed shoes, so was going to watch when of the young salvadoran girls said to me "You need shoes, I have some, I'll go get them you can borrow them and skate!" When she returned with shoes, she was thrilled to tell me that they had pink on them! Which just so happened to match the brand new hot pink knee- elbow- and wrist- guards Colin had brought back from the States. And so decked out (+ a pink helmet, of course!), I was given a new name: La SuperGringa. Across the skate park, the 8 kids skating, stopped and encouraged me on to the park.
However, it turns out that appearances can be deceiving. My pink garb definitely gave the impression of a SuperGringa, but I've never skateboarded before in my life. So my friend Alex (the same from a few post before) started to help me. Showed me how to stand and then how to go down the smallest ramp. All of the kids took turns showing off for me and then it was my turn. balancing the end of my skate board on his knee and the other on the edge of the ramp, Alex showed me where to put my feet and held my hands for balance. And off a I went. to the ground. After that, with lots of hands and help, I mostly stayed up. After 3 successful goes like this, Alex announced he thought I was ready: "ahora, Sola" I climbed to the top of the ramp (I full two feet up!), looked down and said "ok...no! no! tengo miedo" And was helped again. But then I decided to try. I hadn't fallen in a while...at least 5 goes of it! So up I went .... and with a terrific them came down again. Looking up to a sea of concerned face, I hear an 8 year old from the side say with a gasp and a whisper "La SuperGringa se cayo" (the SuperGringa fell).
After regaining my breath, I stood up and noticed my toe felt a little funny. Later in the day (two hospitals and a free x-ray later!) I discovered I had fairly magnificently dislocated my toe.
It's back in now, not hurting, healing, but even more than the realization that I am not a Super Skaterboard (ay heartbreak!) my toe has been a source of reflection this week. From the times when Rosa has announced at school that we need to make sure to find a car to get back home instead of walking because 'Christy is bad in the toe" (I mean it's a toe! such a tiny thing to have to change everyone's plans!). To being dependent on Peggy to drive me home at night instead of walking. Asking the other volunteers to watch the skatepark and let me be in the museum so I can walk less and actually give it time to heal. Asking for help is something I've had to learn (rather painfully in highschool when I had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome). Yet at the same time, feeling very loved and cared for by all here (people from the office drove me all the way to the capitol to go a hospital that had a really good orthopedist, one the guards now calls me "corazon", one of the cooks rubbed my foot when she found out I fell and now asks how it is every time she sees me, and on and on...)
I am called back to my favorite game I play with my students. With yarn we created a spider web, wrapping it around our wrist and throwing it across the circle. We stand up, touch the floor and then all do different things. We talk about how what one person does affects every other person, for good or for bad. I am very aware of the spiderweb or relationships of my life this week, and grateful for the support of Colin, my parents, Sister Peggy, the other volunteers, my friends from home who have stayed in contact with me even as I've been a terrible correspondent. I am grateful to you all, to the goodness you bring to me and so many others.
What it means to be human: to be grateful, to admit and gracefully accept our interdependency and limitedness, and, sometimes, to fall -- and allow others to helps us stand back up again.
19 October 2010
28 September 2010
My Morning Walk to Centro Arte para la Paz
Most mornings I get up at about 5:15. The days I go to school, a pickup comes at 6:15 to take us to the lake. The others days, when I go to the center I leave by 5:30. Just as the light is peeking out in the sky, I begin my walk:
As the t-shirts say...
And nearly three weeks later here we are again!
So much to tell you all from these first three weeks, but I want to start with a story from this morning:
This morning, Ariel (another voluntaria here with me at the center!) were on call for the patinaje (skate park). So we pass out helmets, all the protective gear, and then watch the kids skate -- and every once in a while we are the audience to applaud cheer clap and gasp at whatever new trick has been learned. It was going to be a slow morning, only a few were signed up. However, none of those who had reservations came, instead we had 15 year old Alex (who changed his time from tomorrow to today) and 11 year old Cristian (who was supposed to come yesterday but we were closed). So these two basically had run of the park for two hours. After about an hour they got a little tired of just skating. So Cristian went to get a snack and came back and sat next to me and ate and told me a bit about his family while Alex kept skating. When he was done he subtly threw the bag behind him on the grass. "No, por fa," I told him, "necesitas buscar un basurero" "Ok, ok" he said and picked it up only two minutes later to do the same thing.
At this point Alex decided he wanted to join us and was sitting on the ground as well. And they decided they were ready to skate again, to "aprovechar" their last 30 minutes. "Ok, ok," I told them "pero primero Cristian, necesitamos buscar un basurero," Alex and I started to head inside, only to look back and find Cristian laying in the grass. "Muerto," said Alex, and went back to get the giggling yet trying so hard to lay still Cristian. Rough housing, we made it to the corridor were the trash can was when Cristian, pobrecito, collapsed again. Alex brought the trash can over, got the trash in, put it back and then fell down, muerto as well.
By this time, Ariel had joined us once again. Looking at her across the two "dead" boys I said "Ariel, sabes la unica remedia para los muertos?" She smiled, and in agreement, we each approached one of the boys and started tickling them like crazy. Cristian, whom I was tickling, started rolling. So I was walking being him, tickling him as he rolled into the rocks bordering the courtyard, where he lay laughing, laughing. After a bit, we switched and I tickled Alex and Ariel, Cristian. Alex would just lay there, hiding his face in his hands trying so hard to stay "dead' so we could keep playing. Every once in a while his body would just reverberate with all of the laughter he was keeping inside.
Meanwhile, Ariel and I were getting worried. Our "remedia" wasn't working -- they were still on the floor! So as a last resort we got out our water bottles and splashed the boys with a little bit of water. That combination seemed to work! (and perhaps the memory that only 15 minutes remained for skating) and we got up, found the keys to the bodega where we had already put away all of the equipment, and watched them skate for 10 more minutes at that point. At the end of skating time, as they were putting their "protectores" they asked if we could play again. We said we had to work, but to come back and we'd have another game.
It was so wonderful to see these boys just delight in the attention. There's something important, some crumb that is sitting right on the edge of my consciousness that I'm trying to grasp the words. Maybe it's along the lines of a memory from my childhood: the tickle games with my uncle, mom and dad. Just the uncontainable giggles that are sometimes unbearable, but with the touch, the laughter such a feeling of love and security are transmitted at the same time. An important part of my childhood, and so maybe also just an important part of childhood. I love these kids.
At any rate. Things have been going well here. We have a team of 4 (soon to be 6) volunteers. My classes at school are going well and am loving getting to know the kids there. My class "Cuentame" class with 4th and 5th graders starts next week (we'll be picking an important life event, writing about it, typing it up, illustrating it, and then binding it into a book). Living with Eva has been wonderful and we just put up a curtain on my said of the room creating more of a "room." Life, as the t-shirts say, is good!
So much to tell you all from these first three weeks, but I want to start with a story from this morning:
This morning, Ariel (another voluntaria here with me at the center!) were on call for the patinaje (skate park). So we pass out helmets, all the protective gear, and then watch the kids skate -- and every once in a while we are the audience to applaud cheer clap and gasp at whatever new trick has been learned. It was going to be a slow morning, only a few were signed up. However, none of those who had reservations came, instead we had 15 year old Alex (who changed his time from tomorrow to today) and 11 year old Cristian (who was supposed to come yesterday but we were closed). So these two basically had run of the park for two hours. After about an hour they got a little tired of just skating. So Cristian went to get a snack and came back and sat next to me and ate and told me a bit about his family while Alex kept skating. When he was done he subtly threw the bag behind him on the grass. "No, por fa," I told him, "necesitas buscar un basurero" "Ok, ok" he said and picked it up only two minutes later to do the same thing.
At this point Alex decided he wanted to join us and was sitting on the ground as well. And they decided they were ready to skate again, to "aprovechar" their last 30 minutes. "Ok, ok," I told them "pero primero Cristian, necesitamos buscar un basurero," Alex and I started to head inside, only to look back and find Cristian laying in the grass. "Muerto," said Alex, and went back to get the giggling yet trying so hard to lay still Cristian. Rough housing, we made it to the corridor were the trash can was when Cristian, pobrecito, collapsed again. Alex brought the trash can over, got the trash in, put it back and then fell down, muerto as well.
By this time, Ariel had joined us once again. Looking at her across the two "dead" boys I said "Ariel, sabes la unica remedia para los muertos?" She smiled, and in agreement, we each approached one of the boys and started tickling them like crazy. Cristian, whom I was tickling, started rolling. So I was walking being him, tickling him as he rolled into the rocks bordering the courtyard, where he lay laughing, laughing. After a bit, we switched and I tickled Alex and Ariel, Cristian. Alex would just lay there, hiding his face in his hands trying so hard to stay "dead' so we could keep playing. Every once in a while his body would just reverberate with all of the laughter he was keeping inside.
Meanwhile, Ariel and I were getting worried. Our "remedia" wasn't working -- they were still on the floor! So as a last resort we got out our water bottles and splashed the boys with a little bit of water. That combination seemed to work! (and perhaps the memory that only 15 minutes remained for skating) and we got up, found the keys to the bodega where we had already put away all of the equipment, and watched them skate for 10 more minutes at that point. At the end of skating time, as they were putting their "protectores" they asked if we could play again. We said we had to work, but to come back and we'd have another game.
It was so wonderful to see these boys just delight in the attention. There's something important, some crumb that is sitting right on the edge of my consciousness that I'm trying to grasp the words. Maybe it's along the lines of a memory from my childhood: the tickle games with my uncle, mom and dad. Just the uncontainable giggles that are sometimes unbearable, but with the touch, the laughter such a feeling of love and security are transmitted at the same time. An important part of my childhood, and so maybe also just an important part of childhood. I love these kids.
At any rate. Things have been going well here. We have a team of 4 (soon to be 6) volunteers. My classes at school are going well and am loving getting to know the kids there. My class "Cuentame" class with 4th and 5th graders starts next week (we'll be picking an important life event, writing about it, typing it up, illustrating it, and then binding it into a book). Living with Eva has been wonderful and we just put up a curtain on my said of the room creating more of a "room." Life, as the t-shirts say, is good!
10 September 2010
Tierra de las Mariposas
(The Land of Butterflies).
So. Here I am, in El Salvador, having arrived just a week ago. It's been quite the week -- I started teaching two English classes (with three more to come!) at a school across the Lake from Suchitoto. I moved in/unpacked/organized with Eva, a beautiful Salvadoran woman who also teaches at the school. I've met (and already said good bye!) to some of the other volunteers at the center. And will soon begin teaching another class at Centro Arte para la Paz. Wow -- can it really have been just a week? And at the same time: it been only a week!
I want to start by thanking you, my friends family and supporters. It is you who got me here and I cannot say enough how grateful I am. I've definitely been adapting and re-orienting this week, but feel so much at home here already, so grounded in the fact that this is what had to be.
What have I come home to? The past few days I've been thinking about my arrival and experiences here in terms of butterflies. It's very easy to think of butterflies here: they are everywhere. In fact, my first day here I took a shower with one, a small white one which held its wings open on the wall for me to admire while I washed my hair and face. They flit all around Centro Arte para la Paz, and play tag with teachers and students at the school. They keep me company on my walk between home and the Center, and from the Center back home.
The beautiful thing about butterflies, besides their glorious color and joy-giving way of flying, is that they are more than they appear. Everyone knows that a butterfly was once a caterpillar. Fat, green or brown, many legged little sluggish thing. After this, spending anywhere from a few days to months in a chrysalis and finally emerging.
El Salvador is in many way for me a butterfly. I have come just in time to see the beauty of so much work, love, care, and transformation. Two volunteers left the day after I came and spent my first day helping them finish painting their mural on one of the ramps in the skate park. --This being both the result of their work and also of Sister Peggy's in the building and construction of the skate park (which opens tomorrow!).
I am living with a beautiful Salvadoran woman named Eva who has been adding to the previously one-tiny-roomed house. It now has a beautiful tiled entrance with a fridge, stove, table and hammock! A lovely shower and toilet in it's one little building in the back, and back room behind the bedroom coming!
Suchitoto itself is beautiful, just over a lake (which has its own sad history) but is beautiful. Two days a week I take a boat with Eva and several other teachers to the school. Beyond words.
I have come home to such beautiful people, such a beautiful place. And I, too, in many ways am I butterfly right now: just finished with university and then summer camp with a non profit. Many changes and transformations have taken place over the past four years and I am so happy to be who I am, to have been so formed by the people in my life, by Georgetown. Yet, at the beginning of this new adventure, I am once again very much a caterpillar.
PS -- Here's a picture of the mural Korla (another volunteer) and I painted on Wednesday, designed by students visiting from Santa Clara University
So. Here I am, in El Salvador, having arrived just a week ago. It's been quite the week -- I started teaching two English classes (with three more to come!) at a school across the Lake from Suchitoto. I moved in/unpacked/organized with Eva, a beautiful Salvadoran woman who also teaches at the school. I've met (and already said good bye!) to some of the other volunteers at the center. And will soon begin teaching another class at Centro Arte para la Paz. Wow -- can it really have been just a week? And at the same time: it been only a week!
I want to start by thanking you, my friends family and supporters. It is you who got me here and I cannot say enough how grateful I am. I've definitely been adapting and re-orienting this week, but feel so much at home here already, so grounded in the fact that this is what had to be.
What have I come home to? The past few days I've been thinking about my arrival and experiences here in terms of butterflies. It's very easy to think of butterflies here: they are everywhere. In fact, my first day here I took a shower with one, a small white one which held its wings open on the wall for me to admire while I washed my hair and face. They flit all around Centro Arte para la Paz, and play tag with teachers and students at the school. They keep me company on my walk between home and the Center, and from the Center back home.
The beautiful thing about butterflies, besides their glorious color and joy-giving way of flying, is that they are more than they appear. Everyone knows that a butterfly was once a caterpillar. Fat, green or brown, many legged little sluggish thing. After this, spending anywhere from a few days to months in a chrysalis and finally emerging.
El Salvador is in many way for me a butterfly. I have come just in time to see the beauty of so much work, love, care, and transformation. Two volunteers left the day after I came and spent my first day helping them finish painting their mural on one of the ramps in the skate park. --This being both the result of their work and also of Sister Peggy's in the building and construction of the skate park (which opens tomorrow!).
I am living with a beautiful Salvadoran woman named Eva who has been adding to the previously one-tiny-roomed house. It now has a beautiful tiled entrance with a fridge, stove, table and hammock! A lovely shower and toilet in it's one little building in the back, and back room behind the bedroom coming!
Suchitoto itself is beautiful, just over a lake (which has its own sad history) but is beautiful. Two days a week I take a boat with Eva and several other teachers to the school. Beyond words.
I have come home to such beautiful people, such a beautiful place. And I, too, in many ways am I butterfly right now: just finished with university and then summer camp with a non profit. Many changes and transformations have taken place over the past four years and I am so happy to be who I am, to have been so formed by the people in my life, by Georgetown. Yet, at the beginning of this new adventure, I am once again very much a caterpillar.
PS -- Here's a picture of the mural Korla (another volunteer) and I painted on Wednesday, designed by students visiting from Santa Clara University
30 July 2010
Life and Death
So, finally we have arrived to the key moment of the retreat/conference. This realization and hope were the foundation for me as I listened to that litany of violence. It is this realization, come to 11 hours into the Bible Study, that is based very much on the revelation of those three D's. So here we go, another story (a long one, but I promise so worth it). As you read, keep this in mind: Father John proposed, as he had been taught on a retreat, that Lazarus is Greek meaning "humanity."
Wow. So, so much in this! Maybe let's start with a little bit of context.
In the beginning of this story Jesus is returning to Judea (John said that most translations read "Jews" which is an entire cultural group and that here the translation should be Judaens -- much more specific and speaks to a geographical location). At the end of the chapter 10, the Judaens "picked up stones again to stone Him." In this story, with the death of Lazarus, Jesus is returning to those who just verses ago (days ago) tried to kill him!
When the disciples hear of his intention to return, they freak out just a little bit. They don't understand. First they want to believe literally Jesus' words that Lazarus is just asleep: "oh he'll be fine Jesus, he'll wake up, we don't need to go back." Jesus spells it out so there's no wiggle room. Thomas, (can you here the irony in his voice), puts to voice what they are all thinking "Great, Jesus. We'll go back and then they will kill us and we'll be dead, too." And so Jesus goes back alone. (Did you catch that when you read it? After Thomas speaks the disciples are not mentioned again, it just says "So when Jesus came...")
So we have the disciples, terrified and full of doubt. We have the crowd with death on their minds (they death of Lazarus and of Jesus). Let's look at Mary and Martha.
Martha, in her grief does this little trick to manipulate Jesus, saying "Even now I know that whatever You ask of God, God will give You." But when Jesus asks her, do you really believe I am the Life and Resurrection, she dodges the question, saying yeah sure your the Christ and runs away and gets her sister saying Jesus called her. Jesus didn't say anything about Mary! Mary and Martha both of them in despair at their brothers death.
Finally, let's look at Jesus. There are two emotions we see him feel in this text. The first one, oddly enough, is gladness. He says that he is glad that his dear friends Lazarus has died so then, finally!, the disciples, the people will see and know Him. The second emotion is grief, it says he troubled, perturbed and he weeps. The people there assume he is weeping for his friend's death, but we know that he is glad for the death of Lazarus. So why does he weep? The first time he weeps, it is at Mary's and the Judaen's tears. He weeps that they have given way to despair and doubt. The second time is when he asks where Lazarus is and they say "Come and see" -- a harkening back to the beginning when Jesus invites the disciples of John the Baptist to "Come and see" where he is staying, inviting them into life. Turned on its head here, the Judaens invite Jesus to the tomb to "come and see" the death the have created and live in. Finally, he is deeply troubled at the talk of the Judaens that had he come earlier, Lazarus would still live.
So, we come to the tomb. In this place surrounded by death, both in and out of the tomb, surrounded by the three D's : despair, doubt, domination, Jesus calls forth life. He calls for the stone to be rolled away. At first they protest, saying but it will smell. It could be comical, what a small excuse to try to stay separated from life, yet heartbreaking because it is so understandable and so real. How often it is the small messes that keep us from life. So again Jesus says, roll away the stone. And they do. He call "Humanity" forth and sends his persecutors to unbind him. In the midst of death, despair, doubt, domination, He calls Purveyors of Death to be Agents of Life.
What a God to believe in, that turns the world thus on its head!
Now a certain man was sick, Lazarus of Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. It was the Mary who anointed the Lord with ointment, and wiped His feet with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was sick. So the sisters sent word to Him, saying, " Lord, behold, he whom You love is sick." But when Jesus heard this, He said, "This sickness is not to end in death, but for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified by it." Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So when He heard that he was sick, He then stayed two days longer in the place where He was. Then after this He said to the disciples, "Let us go to Judea again." The disciples said to Him, " Rabbi, the Judaens were just now seeking to stone You, and are You going there again?" Jesus answered, "Are there not twelve hours in the day? If anyone walks in the day, he does not stumble, because he sees the light of this world. But if anyone walks in the night, he stumbles, because the light is not in him."
This He said, and after that He said to them, "Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep; but I go, so that I may awaken him out of sleep." The disciples then said to Him, "Lord, if he has fallen asleep, he will recover." Now Jesus had spoken of his death, but they thought that He was speaking of literal sleep. So Jesus then said to them plainly, "Lazarus is dead, and I am glad for your sakes that I was not there, so that you may believe; but let us go to him." Therefore Thomas, who is called Didymus, said to his fellow disciples, "Let us also go, so that we may die with Him."
So when Jesus came, He found that he had already been in the tomb four days. Now Bethany was near Jerusalem, about two miles off; and many of the Judaens had come to Martha and Mary, to console them concerning their brother. Martha therefore, when she heard that Jesus was coming, went to meet Him, but Mary stayed at the house. Martha then said to Jesus, " Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died. Even now I know that whatever You ask of God, God will give You." Jesus said to her, "Your brother will rise again." Martha said to Him, “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day." Jesus said to her, “ am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in Me will live even if he dies, and everyone who lives and believes in Me will never die. Do you believe this?" She said to Him, "Yes, Lord; I have believed that You are the Christ, the Son of God, even He who comes into the world."
When she had said this, she went away and called Mary her sister, saying secretly, "The Teacher is here and is calling for you." And when she heard it, she got up quickly and was coming to Him. Now Jesus had not yet come into the village, but was still in the place where Martha met Him. Then the Judaens who were with her in the house, and consoling her, when they saw that Mary got up quickly and went out, they followed her, supposing that she was going to the tomb to weep there.
Therefore, when Mary came where Jesus was, she saw Him, and fell at His feet, saying to Him, "Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died." When Jesus therefore saw her weeping, and the Judaens who came with her also weeping, He was deeply moved in spirit and was troubled, and said, "Where have you laid him?"
They said to Him, "Lord, come and see." Jesus wept. So the Judaenss were saying, "See how He loved him!" But some of them said, "Could not this man, who opened the eyes of the blind man, have kept this man also from dying?"
So Jesus, again being deeply moved within, came to the tomb. Now it was a cave, and a stone was lying against it.
Jesus said, "Remove the stone." Martha, the sister of the deceased, said to Him, "Lord, by this time there will be a stench, for he has been dead four days." Jesus said to her, “Did I not say to you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?" So they removed the stone Then Jesus raised His eyes, and said, "Father, I thank You that You have heard Me. I knew that You always hear Me; but because of the people standing around I said it, so that they may believe that You sent Me."
When He had said these things, He cried out with a loud voice, "Lazarus, come forth." The man who had died came forth, bound hand and foot with wrappings, and his face was wrapped around with a cloth.
Jesus said to them, "Unbind him, and let him go." (John 11:1-44, NASB)
Wow. So, so much in this! Maybe let's start with a little bit of context.
In the beginning of this story Jesus is returning to Judea (John said that most translations read "Jews" which is an entire cultural group and that here the translation should be Judaens -- much more specific and speaks to a geographical location). At the end of the chapter 10, the Judaens "picked up stones again to stone Him." In this story, with the death of Lazarus, Jesus is returning to those who just verses ago (days ago) tried to kill him!
When the disciples hear of his intention to return, they freak out just a little bit. They don't understand. First they want to believe literally Jesus' words that Lazarus is just asleep: "oh he'll be fine Jesus, he'll wake up, we don't need to go back." Jesus spells it out so there's no wiggle room. Thomas, (can you here the irony in his voice), puts to voice what they are all thinking "Great, Jesus. We'll go back and then they will kill us and we'll be dead, too." And so Jesus goes back alone. (Did you catch that when you read it? After Thomas speaks the disciples are not mentioned again, it just says "So when Jesus came...")
So we have the disciples, terrified and full of doubt. We have the crowd with death on their minds (they death of Lazarus and of Jesus). Let's look at Mary and Martha.
Martha, in her grief does this little trick to manipulate Jesus, saying "Even now I know that whatever You ask of God, God will give You." But when Jesus asks her, do you really believe I am the Life and Resurrection, she dodges the question, saying yeah sure your the Christ and runs away and gets her sister saying Jesus called her. Jesus didn't say anything about Mary! Mary and Martha both of them in despair at their brothers death.
Finally, let's look at Jesus. There are two emotions we see him feel in this text. The first one, oddly enough, is gladness. He says that he is glad that his dear friends Lazarus has died so then, finally!, the disciples, the people will see and know Him. The second emotion is grief, it says he troubled, perturbed and he weeps. The people there assume he is weeping for his friend's death, but we know that he is glad for the death of Lazarus. So why does he weep? The first time he weeps, it is at Mary's and the Judaen's tears. He weeps that they have given way to despair and doubt. The second time is when he asks where Lazarus is and they say "Come and see" -- a harkening back to the beginning when Jesus invites the disciples of John the Baptist to "Come and see" where he is staying, inviting them into life. Turned on its head here, the Judaens invite Jesus to the tomb to "come and see" the death the have created and live in. Finally, he is deeply troubled at the talk of the Judaens that had he come earlier, Lazarus would still live.
So, we come to the tomb. In this place surrounded by death, both in and out of the tomb, surrounded by the three D's : despair, doubt, domination, Jesus calls forth life. He calls for the stone to be rolled away. At first they protest, saying but it will smell. It could be comical, what a small excuse to try to stay separated from life, yet heartbreaking because it is so understandable and so real. How often it is the small messes that keep us from life. So again Jesus says, roll away the stone. And they do. He call "Humanity" forth and sends his persecutors to unbind him. In the midst of death, despair, doubt, domination, He calls Purveyors of Death to be Agents of Life.
What a God to believe in, that turns the world thus on its head!
28 July 2010
The Three Temptations.
This is what I learned from John, and this, above anything else, is the image I have taken away from the retreat. This is the image and knowledge I found comfort in as I listened to the politics of violence in the world. Let me start with a story:
What does this have to do with anything, except show that Jesus didn't give into temptations, very esoteric temptations. removed from us by 2000 years. John broke it down into what I've been remembering as the 3 D's.
1. "Turn these stones to bread" is the temptation to Despair. Here, the tempter says to Jesus, if you are hungry, you better take care if it yourself. Everything rests on your shoulders and if you don't do it no one will.
2. "Throw yourself down from here" is the temptation to Doubt. Here the tempter insists that in order for Jesus to know God (to confirm himself as God's beloved) he must attempt suicide. It's a temptation to a desperate doubt that needs proof of God's love.
3. "Worship me and the world will be yours" is the temptation to Domination. Here the tempter that only through control and dominion over everything and everyone can Jesus fulfill his mission, can reach all of the people he is meant to (at the small cost of His soul). It forgets that God is a God of relationships. Hitler built his platform on a promise of "1000 Years of Peace" but to get to that Peace, this group and that needed exterminated. This might be the temptation that he fell trap to: that peace can come about only through control, rather than in partnership.
In each of these, Jesus turns the focus back to God, grasping on to his core identity as God's Beloved. He knows that "His Father knows that you need [food and clothing]" (Matthew 6:32) and that God can handle his hunger -- and not just physical but his spiritual hunger and so does not fall pray to despair. He knows He is God's Beloved and does not need to test it and so does not fall prey to doubt. He worships God alone and does not need to take control/dominion from Him and so does not fall prey to domination.
In these terms, through this lens, a lot of my own temptations stem from these three D's, and so have this new lens, being helped to name some root causes of my own struggles helps me to understand myself better and to begin to be able to unlock my clenched fist, often around fear, and live with palms open ready to freely give and freely receive.
Then, after he was baptized, Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness, to be tempted by the devil. And after He had fasted forty days and forty nights, He became hungry and the tempter came and said to Him, "If You are the Son of God, command that these stones become bread." But Jesus answered and said, "It is written, ‘man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.’”
Then the devil took Jesus into the holy city and had Him stand on the pinnacle of the temple, and said to Him, "If You are the Son of God, throw Yourself down; for it is written, ‘God will command the angels concerning you’ and ‘ on their hands they will bear you up, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’” Jesus said to him, “On the other hand, it is written, ‘You shall not put the Lord your God to the test.’”
Again, the devil took Jesus to a very high mountain and showed Him all the kingdoms od the world and their glory and he said to Him, “All these things I will give You if You fall down and worships me.” Jesus said to him, "Go, Satan! For it is written, 'You shall worship the Lord you God, and serve Him only.’”
Then the devil left Him; and behold, angels came and began to minister to Him. (Matthew 4:1-11, NASB)
What does this have to do with anything, except show that Jesus didn't give into temptations, very esoteric temptations. removed from us by 2000 years. John broke it down into what I've been remembering as the 3 D's.
1. "Turn these stones to bread" is the temptation to Despair. Here, the tempter says to Jesus, if you are hungry, you better take care if it yourself. Everything rests on your shoulders and if you don't do it no one will.
2. "Throw yourself down from here" is the temptation to Doubt. Here the tempter insists that in order for Jesus to know God (to confirm himself as God's beloved) he must attempt suicide. It's a temptation to a desperate doubt that needs proof of God's love.
3. "Worship me and the world will be yours" is the temptation to Domination. Here the tempter that only through control and dominion over everything and everyone can Jesus fulfill his mission, can reach all of the people he is meant to (at the small cost of His soul). It forgets that God is a God of relationships. Hitler built his platform on a promise of "1000 Years of Peace" but to get to that Peace, this group and that needed exterminated. This might be the temptation that he fell trap to: that peace can come about only through control, rather than in partnership.
In each of these, Jesus turns the focus back to God, grasping on to his core identity as God's Beloved. He knows that "His Father knows that you need [food and clothing]" (Matthew 6:32) and that God can handle his hunger -- and not just physical but his spiritual hunger and so does not fall pray to despair. He knows He is God's Beloved and does not need to test it and so does not fall prey to doubt. He worships God alone and does not need to take control/dominion from Him and so does not fall prey to domination.
In these terms, through this lens, a lot of my own temptations stem from these three D's, and so have this new lens, being helped to name some root causes of my own struggles helps me to understand myself better and to begin to be able to unlock my clenched fist, often around fear, and live with palms open ready to freely give and freely receive.
26 July 2010
Death and Life
Here we are, back for Blog # 2 on the Peace Making Conference!
The world, it turns out, is a difficult, horrible deathly place. Throughout the conference, the theme of which was ending War at Home and Abroad-- connecting structural violence and injustice in the US to unjust actions and battles being perpetrated abroad -- kept bring me back to El Salvador and the US in the 1980's. I heard, many times, that there are 35 wars are being fought around the war right now. 1 in 8 Americans are on food stamps. The Obama administration has done more for nukes than any President since Reagan (this especially brings me chills as Reagan was responsible for much of the US foreign policy in El Salvador in the '80s). There is a proposal to freeze all government spending except social security, Medicare, and military -- and the military has essentially a blank check. I learned
I was reminded, once again, that we live in a society of consumerism and as we accumulate more and more "stuff," we come to feel more and more entitled and we feel more and more jealous and certain that not only does everyone else (in the world) want to take our stuff from us, but that we need more and only through having more can we ever find happy. So we clutch our fists and our stuff tighter to our chests, and we use our guile to hide and to take, to attack and to protect. I was reminded that in the wake of 9/11 that after a few days of solidarity, of grieving and mourning that were all too necessary, we were instructed "to shop." And don't even get me started on Blackwater -- I'll post the speech transcript here as soon as Pax Christi gets it up.
Meagan McKenna, one of the key note speakers and wonderful story teller, commented that this was what she struggled with "Nonviolence Conferences" : they start with violence. The litany of death rang in my ears. One speech maker commented that usually his speeches don't send people searching for razor blades, but this one sure did. Me and nearly everyone at my table found ourselves gasping when it was done. What do we do when violence and death are all we can see? Violence and death that can cause us to get stuck in the mire, to lose all hope. Hope, I felt, was what was missing from several of the talks at Pax Christi, so I returned to the retreat with John Dear to find my balance: Christ brings Life from Death
It is only with this hope -- this innocent and perhaps naive belief (or is it naive and innocent? does it perhaps take the strongest faith and courage?) that Jesus can bring life from death -- It is only with this hope that there is truly life, that I can get out of bed in the morning. It is only within the context of Christ, within the context of God's love and omnipotence, that I can proclaim my being and the being of the world. That I can look to God for the next step, turn over to Him the big picture and give Him to hold my despair, my doubt, my tendency towards domination. It is to Him I run, and on His shoulder I shed my tears for the hurt and pain of this world. And in giving my tears to Him, and not holding them as chains to myself, that I am freed, that I can be a part of LIFE. Then I can live as though I am, and you are, and each person created on this earth is, BELOVED.
The world, it turns out, is a difficult, horrible deathly place. Throughout the conference, the theme of which was ending War at Home and Abroad-- connecting structural violence and injustice in the US to unjust actions and battles being perpetrated abroad -- kept bring me back to El Salvador and the US in the 1980's. I heard, many times, that there are 35 wars are being fought around the war right now. 1 in 8 Americans are on food stamps. The Obama administration has done more for nukes than any President since Reagan (this especially brings me chills as Reagan was responsible for much of the US foreign policy in El Salvador in the '80s). There is a proposal to freeze all government spending except social security, Medicare, and military -- and the military has essentially a blank check. I learned
there is a glaring omission in Obama’s security strategy, namely, no recognition of how the pursuit of wars in Iraq, Pakistan, and Afghanistan impacts, undermines and compromises his goals of educational and health care access, especially for those who have none. There is no connection drawn between the size of our deficit and the pursuit of war. There is no realization (at least, none articulated) that economic innovation, access to educational opportunity, and the availability of quality health care are strangled by unchecked and unbridled military spending. --Bryan Massingale, 8 **
I was reminded, once again, that we live in a society of consumerism and as we accumulate more and more "stuff," we come to feel more and more entitled and we feel more and more jealous and certain that not only does everyone else (in the world) want to take our stuff from us, but that we need more and only through having more can we ever find happy. So we clutch our fists and our stuff tighter to our chests, and we use our guile to hide and to take, to attack and to protect. I was reminded that in the wake of 9/11 that after a few days of solidarity, of grieving and mourning that were all too necessary, we were instructed "to shop." And don't even get me started on Blackwater -- I'll post the speech transcript here as soon as Pax Christi gets it up.
Meagan McKenna, one of the key note speakers and wonderful story teller, commented that this was what she struggled with "Nonviolence Conferences" : they start with violence. The litany of death rang in my ears. One speech maker commented that usually his speeches don't send people searching for razor blades, but this one sure did. Me and nearly everyone at my table found ourselves gasping when it was done. What do we do when violence and death are all we can see? Violence and death that can cause us to get stuck in the mire, to lose all hope. Hope, I felt, was what was missing from several of the talks at Pax Christi, so I returned to the retreat with John Dear to find my balance: Christ brings Life from Death
It is only with this hope -- this innocent and perhaps naive belief (or is it naive and innocent? does it perhaps take the strongest faith and courage?) that Jesus can bring life from death -- It is only with this hope that there is truly life, that I can get out of bed in the morning. It is only within the context of Christ, within the context of God's love and omnipotence, that I can proclaim my being and the being of the world. That I can look to God for the next step, turn over to Him the big picture and give Him to hold my despair, my doubt, my tendency towards domination. It is to Him I run, and on His shoulder I shed my tears for the hurt and pain of this world. And in giving my tears to Him, and not holding them as chains to myself, that I am freed, that I can be a part of LIFE. Then I can live as though I am, and you are, and each person created on this earth is, BELOVED.
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