why do they weep?

Today's gospel was the sermon on the mount, the one where Jesus, seeing the crowd, sits them down and teaches them -- the beatitudes.

the homily tonight, in the mezcla of the reading and the fact that it is All Saints, said that what we have in the Beatitudes is what it means to be a saint.

To be poor in spirit: to know that God is God and we are not

To mourn ...

and this is where I went on my own train of track, so here's the homily that developed in my head and heart.

To be a saint is to mourn. to feel deep enough that I hurt, that I feel pain and sadness, to risk getting involved, loving, that much. To mourn after something means that that thing (or person) mattered to me. It means to not live detatched, but rather wholly (holy) engaged.

This week has been a week of mourning for me. Many many things are changing (have been in the constant state of changing). Many many things make me sad. This week (maybe the past two weeks) there has been a shift: I have let myself (not totally, not completly, but begin to...) mourn them, to let these things touch my heart rather than holding them arm's length out barely out of sight. I have engaged them.

These sad things range from missing El Salvador to starting to say good bye to university (I've been looking for off campus housing), from naming the way friendships have and are changing to ways I am and have been changing, from endings to beginnings to endings in relationships. Taking risks and making mistakes that are hurtful.

Mourning all kinds of things. And in mourning them, letting them be real and in a way letting myself be real too, letting myself be here.

and reality isn't all pain, it isn't all sadness, all mourning, but without suffering and mourning after suffering, then it isn't reality but just kitsch. And so as I've mourned this week, joy and hope have been much closer as well.

Sigo adelante!


Gospel
Mt 5:1-12a

When Jesus saw the crowds, he went up the mountain,
and after he had sat down, his disciples came to him.
He began to teach them, saying:

“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are they who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the land.
Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be satisfied.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the clean of heart,
for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.
Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness,
for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you when they insult you and persecute you
and utter every kind of evil against you falsely because of me.
Rejoice and be glad,
for your reward will be great in heaven.”